The following story is recorded verbatim from the customer support department of WordPerfect. The main character has been fired but is suing the company under the “No Cause Termination” clause.
– This is WordPerfect customer service! How may I assist you today?
– Yes, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect software. I was typing, and suddenly all the text disappeared.
– Disappeared? What does your screen look like now?
– There’s nothing! It’s completely blank! It doesn’t display any text when I type.
– Are you still in the WordPerfect program, or have you exited it?
– How would I know!
– Do you see a C: prompt on the screen?
– What is a C: prompt?
– Never mind that! Can you move the cursor around the screen?
– There’s no cursor at all. Didn’t I tell you that the machine doesn’t respond to any commands?
– Does your monitor have a power indicator light?
– What’s a monitor?
– Hmm! It’s a display device, looks like a television. It has a little light that indicates whether it’s powered on.
– I don’t know!
– Then, look at the back of the monitor and find its power cable. Do you see it?
– Yes!
– Good! Follow the power cable to the plug. Is it plugged into the wall outlet?
– Yes!
– Just so you know, there should be two cables coming from the back of the monitor, not just one!
– No! There’s only one!
– There must be two. Check again.
– Oh, I see it now!
– One cable is the power cable, which we’ve checked. Now, follow the other cable to see if it’s securely connected to the CPU.
– I can’t reach it.
– Then, observe closely to see if the connection is secure.
– I can’t see anything.
– Try kneeling down and bending forward as much as you can!
– It’s not the angle. I can’t see anything because it’s too dark here.
– Dark?
– Yes! The office lights are off, and the only source of light now is the sunlight coming through the window.
– Then turn on the lights!
– I can’t!
– Why not?
– The power is out!
– The power is out? Oh, that solves everything. Do you still have the packaging, the manual, and everything to return the computer?
– Yes! Why?
– Unplug it, pack it up just like you bought it, and take it back to the store where you purchased it.
– Is it that bad?
– Yes, I’m afraid so.
– Okay, what should I tell the store?
– Tell them you are so clueless that you can’t even operate a computer.
