Becoming a mother for the first time brings endless joy, but it also presents many new challenges. This can make you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. The most important thing to remember is that: You are not alone.
What should you do?
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(Photo: VNE) |
In the early days after giving birth, one of the most important things you can do is to accept and seek help from family and friends. Equally important is to stay relaxed; don’t be too worried or stressed about your lack of experience as a mother. When you first have a baby, it seems like the time needed to complete daily tasks such as cooking, doing laundry, or even making phone calls doubles. Therefore, any assistance during this time is invaluable. In the first few weeks, you can seek help from the following sources:
Your partner: Since breastfeeding is exclusively a mother’s responsibility, the father can take on other tasks to assist. Consider this a time for a new family to work together and divide the household responsibilities fairly. If, for some reason, your husband is unable to be at home to help, you should find someone close and trustworthy to assist you during those initial days.
Family and friends: It is common for many friends and relatives to visit when a baby is born, and of course, this brings you joy. However, this is also a time when you may not have fully recovered your strength, so you might feel tired and sometimes overwhelmed while trying to fulfill your role as a gracious host. This is when you need their help the most. You can politely suggest a “retreat,” saying something like: “My baby and I are very happy to have you visit, but I need to rest now. I look forward to chatting with you next time.” No one will blame you for doing this, as they all understand that it’s time for you to rest. This is indeed a helpful form of support.
The midwife or home care nurse: Typically, the midwife will monitor your health at home during the first 10 days after delivery. After this period, the midwife may be replaced by a nurse who will continue to check on your health for a certain period.
Can you sleep well?
Generally, when you have a newborn, it is very difficult to get a complete night’s sleep like you used to, as the baby may wake up at any time, even in the middle of the night, for feeding or comfort. This can throw off your body’s biological clock. When you are sleep-deprived, it’s easy to become irritable, and you might not have the calmness needed to tackle daily tasks. So how can you address this issue? Here are some suggestions:
Share nighttime feeding duties with your husband: You may wonder how this is possible since breastfeeding is “exclusive” to the mother. While it’s not simple, there are ways to manage it. You can pump milk into a bottle before going to bed and agree with your husband that he will feed the baby with that bottle if the baby wakes up. If that’s not possible, consider other agreements with him. Ask him to soothe the baby if it wakes up without demanding to be fed. This way, you can get enough sleep and ensure you have the energy to care for your child better.
Relax: Take some time to unwind before bed. A good method is to take a warm bath. Drinking a warm glass of water can also be effective. If you want to delve deeper, consider exploring some relaxation techniques for new mothers found in various books or from women’s organizations.
Sleep when the baby sleeps: This is often easier said than done, as you may need to entertain friends or family who come to visit or handle household chores at that time. If possible, consider hanging a sign on your door indicating that you are resting. You could also ask someone close to watch the baby for you while you sleep if you find this difficult to manage.
Feelings of loneliness
Your life will change significantly with the arrival of a baby. While you may be joyful with your child, some friendships may be put on hold. This can sometimes leave you feeling sad and lonely. To counter this, you might want to connect with other women who are also in the parenting phase to find common ground.
One mother once said: “I am truly proud to be a mother, but during this time, I talk and interact less with my friends. This sometimes makes me feel a bit lost.”
In addition to seeking out groups or women’s organizations with shared responsibilities to express your feelings, consider retrieving any notes from the hospital when you gave birth to read again. Some people find this method helps to ease their emotional burden.
