Empathy is the understanding and feeling of what others are going through, placing oneself in their position to better comprehend them.
It allows us to form healthy social connections and serves as the foundation for long-lasting, meaningful relationships.
According to a recent study by Chinese scholars, the COVID-19 pandemic has severely affected the ability of adolescents to empathize with others. Strict lockdowns have impacted the development of social skills and engagement in emotional interactions among young people.
Empathy is almost always discussed in a positive light. Generally, the willingness, desire, and ability to empathize are beneficial for individuals and society.
Dr. Fritz Breithaupt, a professor at Indiana University in the United States and author of the book “The Dark Sides of Empathy”, writes that through empathy, the suffering of others becomes our suffering, but their happiness can also be ours.
Breithaupt further states: “Empathy can save lives, whether by emotionally connecting with a suicidal teenager or by motivating humanitarian aid workers.”
Empathy allows us to form healthy social connections, serving as the foundation for long-lasting, meaningful relationships. (Source: Image generated by AI from Bing Image Creator)
Psychologist Dr. Ester di Giacomo, a scholar at the University of Milan in Italy who has researched empathy, states that the ability to accurately interpret and share the emotions of others “is a crucial aspect of an individual’s skills and is foundational” for establishing and nurturing positive relationships.
However, she warns: “Even if it is considered positive, it can still be used for negative purposes.”
There are many different types of empathy.
Affective empathy – the traditional view of empathy – involves the ability to feel what others are feeling.
Cognitive empathy is the ability to accurately identify the emotional states of others. Unlike those with affective empathy, individuals with cognitive empathy do not actually “feel” what others are experiencing.
1. Empathy Can Become a “Weapon”
American neuroscientist James Fallon notes that he sees a correlation between the neurological and genetic aspects of psychopathy – individuals with extreme antisocial tendencies may score high on cognitive empathy.
This is because many psychopaths are skilled at reading others. They can recognize the emotions of others on a cognitive level rather than an emotional level.
Breithaupt states that: “Empathy can be used to enjoy the pain of others.”
The ability to identify but not truly feel the emotions of others is tied to what Breithaupt calls “vampire empathy,” a form of empathy where individuals use the emotions of others as fuel, much like a vampire drains the blood of others.
Recent research by di Giacomo shows a strong link between cognitive empathy and extreme selfishness. Many individuals affected by personality disorders cannot feel the emotions of others but can identify how they feel.
The study suggests this is likely “because the ability to read the emotions of others is a powerful tool for personal gain.”
A person who can read the emotions of others, especially negative emotions such as sadness and anger, without having to feel what they feel, can use this knowledge to manipulate others and make them feel worse.
2. Empathy Can Lead to Losing Oneself
In 2021, psychologists Sonia Krol and Jennifer Bartz wrote a paper describing several ways that empathy can lead to losing oneself.
The ability and even desire to connect with individuals undergoing difficulties can hinder a person’s ability to identify their own thoughts.
According to scholars at McGill University in Canada, blurring the lines between “I” and “you” often leads to a type of confusion and, paradoxically, causes a person to withdraw from a situation rather than express empathetic concern.
Consider the young man who abandoned his fiancée upon learning she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Feeling genuinely overwhelmed by the unbearable weight of another’s emotions, they may feel the need to retreat, pulling away from someone who could need and benefit from their support.
At its core, and in its healthiest form, empathy is focusing on others outside of oneself and feeling what they feel.
However, being overly focused on others can leave less time for self-reflection and self-care.
Empathizing with the thoughts and feelings of others can also make it difficult for an individual to separate the emotions of others from their own.
Being overly focused on others leaves less time for self-reflection and self-care. (Source: Image generated by AI from Leonardo.Ai)
A devoted wife and mother may have less time for self-reflection and may find herself overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions of others, making it difficult for her to identify her own emotional state.
Women tend to be much more empathetic than men.
3. Empathy Can Make You Sick
Being overly focused on others can not only lead to losing oneself but can also result in both mental and physical illness.
Hyper-empathy syndrome occurs when a person is excessively empathetic to the emotions of others and can lead to burnout.
Experts say a hyper-empathetic individual must endure “intense emotional reactions when others experience negative feelings,” not positive ones.
Such a person may “feel overwhelmed” when discussing someone else’s issues, as if those problems “belong to them.”
While being more in tune with the emotions of others can help build meaningful connections, “unmanaged excessive empathy can harm your mental health as it may lead you to pursue dependent relationships, lack personal boundaries, and neglect your own needs.”
Recent research published in the journal Biological Psychology indicates that empathy – specifically affective empathy – could come at a “high cost” to our health. The stress of feeling what others feel can take a toll on the body.
Thus, while empathy is something to be nurtured and celebrated, remember that it also has a dark side.
