“You have such a kind heart,” “Today’s presentation was great,” “Your hair looks beautiful.”.. it seems we all enjoy compliments like these, but the reason why is something few people pay attention to.
Perhaps all of us like to receive compliments. According to the father of psychology, Sigmund Freud, humans all “possess a certain level of narcissism” from birth. In fact, we can even associate compliments with our personal identity.
According to Mark L. Knapp, a personal communication expert at the University of Texas (USA), when someone compliments us on something, we incorporate that compliment into our self-perception. Many people even seek out compliments to reinforce their self-image. Knapp believes that we all seek recognition. When there are no compliments, people can easily feel psychologically malnourished.
Why Everyone Loves Compliments
Scientists have discovered that compliments are truly valuable. They activate a part of the brain similar to when you receive monetary rewards. Researchers explored this by conducting experiments on currency and social interactions based on mapping the brain activity of participants.
We all enjoy receiving compliments.
The results showed that both compliments and monetary rewards activate a brain region related to rewards called the striatum. This is because both compliments and money fulfill basic human needs. Compliments serve as a social reward that meets our emotional need for social recognition.
Meanwhile, monetary rewards are classified as non-social rewards that satisfy our safety desires. Although these two types of rewards are fundamentally different, they both motivate people similarly.
Receiving compliments can bring countless benefits. A 2012 study revealed that receiving compliments can help improve motivation and work performance. In the experiment, 49 participants were asked to learn and perform specific finger patterns related to keyboard operations in sequence. After repeating this task the next day, the group that received compliments from the evaluator performed better than the others. Researchers concluded that receiving compliments can be seen as a social reward that encourages people to perform better.
The Right Way to Compliment
Generally, compliments are viewed positively. However, our intention to compliment is not always purely good. Knapp shared: “Sometimes we compliment to manipulate others. We know there are individuals who enjoy compliments and will also like the person who compliments them.”
At the same time, the reason for giving a compliment may be to charm others to achieve ulterior motives. For example, we might use compliments to flatter someone to get what we want.
A 2010 study examined whether receiving compliments increased an individual’s willingness to comply. Participants were asked to fill out a survey while an actor, pretending to be a psychology student, chatted with them. The actor would compliment the survey participants.
Sincere compliments make the recipient feel good.
The survey participants were then asked if they would like to help distribute flyers for a university career event. 79% of those who received compliments agreed to the request, while only 46% of those who did not receive compliments agreed. This result highlights the importance of compliments. Those who receive compliments are more likely to respond to the complimenter with some helpful action.
Therefore, when complimenting someone, you need to understand that it is a moment when we acknowledge their behaviors and actions as good. Insincere flattery may lead to consequences for both you and the person being complimented later on. Knapp suggests that sincere compliments recognize positive behavior and make the recipient feel good. As long as you are honest, your compliments can make someone feel as if they just won the lottery.
