Recognizing that you are stressed and need to relax is a good step toward self-help. However, sometimes finding ways to reduce stress can actually increase it. This counterproductive effect can lead to a vicious cycle, making you feel even more anxious and fatigued.
“Stresslaxing” is a term that refers to the phenomenon or experience of individuals who are in a state of anxiety or stress but try to remain calm and appear relaxed by forcing themselves to rest or unwind, according to Dr. Michael Schirripa, a psychiatrist and podcast host, speaking to Healthline.
The More You Try to Relax, the More Tired You Become
Deborah Serani, a professor at Adelphi University (New York) and author of the award-winning book, Living with Depression, states that the clinical term for “stresslaxing” is “relaxation-induced anxiety.”
“Research shows that if you are struggling with generalized anxiety or overthinking, you may become more stressed. Those who have difficulty relieving stress may also experience panic attacks, in addition to stress and anxiety. Some individuals may even become depressed because they cannot relax,” she explains.
In many ways, the brain can resist relaxation, particularly due to a part of the brain called the amygdala, which is always on the lookout for danger.
The clinical term for “stresslaxing” is “relaxation-induced anxiety” – (Image: Women’s Day).
Serani also notes that individuals living with anxiety and rumination may struggle to control their thoughts.
In other words, they find it difficult to “pause” certain thoughts.
“On the flip side, some people are always looking for ways to stay busy because, subconsciously, being calm, having space, and experiencing comfort can trigger negative thoughts,” she adds.
Why Is It Hard for Some People to Relax?
Schirripa notes that we find it hard to relax due to external pressures and internal motivations.
External pressures, such as work, school, family, and other commitments, can make people feel like they must constantly “perform” to cope with the outside world.
“Gradually, they may feel obligated to meet these external demands. This leads to the perception that they are not allowed any time or space to relax,” Schirripa analyzes.
Serani points out that the boundaries between work and leisure have become less clear today. “Therefore, it is challenging to achieve relaxation,” she concludes.
Additionally, technology, easy access, and other modern conveniences have blurred the lines between work and play, leading to what sociologist Dalton Conley of Princeton University calls “Weisure” (a blend of Work and Leisure, referring to the merging of work and leisure activities).
Internal motivations that affect relaxation include the drive to keep moving and the inability to allow oneself to slow down or rest.
“Sometimes people worry they will feel bored if they relax. In other words, when they slow down and rest, they fear they will concentrate too much on the thoughts or feelings that are happening within them,” Schirripa explains.
Chronic stress is associated with high blood pressure, leading to heart attacks and strokes, fatigue, ulcers, headaches, back pain, difficulty concentrating, and irritability.
Dr. Natalie Christine Dattilo, a clinical psychologist and instructor at Harvard Medical School, adds that the inability to stop and relax properly can lead to an overstimulated nervous system. Over time, this can make it more challenging to trigger a relaxation response.
Strategies to Help You Relax
When trying to relax, Dattilo advises first understanding that relaxation is not a passive activity as many people believe. One of the main reasons some individuals find it difficult to relax is that it is actually a skill that requires regular practice.
Dattilo states: “The real goal of relaxation is to reduce the activity of our nervous system.”
Activating the relaxation response can be achieved through visualization, muscle relaxation, massage, breathing techniques, meditation, prayer, and yoga.
You need to set boundaries between work and family life, consider turning off technology devices early each night, and prioritize self-care.
You can practice the Benson Relaxation Method, which involves sitting comfortably, closing your eyes, consciously relaxing all muscles from your feet up to your head, and breathing slowly for 20 minutes. “Initially, you may find it somewhat challenging or forced. So, start with 5 minutes and gradually increase the time,” Dattilo suggests.
You can also focus on your “completed” task list. Thinking about your to-do list will steer you toward the future, preventing you from focusing on the present moment.
Additionally, you can meditate for 5 minutes. Studies show that even 5 minutes of deep breathing, silence, and rest can enhance physical and mental activity.
And you can also nurture your senses by using the “5-4-3-2-1 Technique.” Challenge yourself to identify 5 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, 4 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This process can alleviate anxiety and make it easier for you to transition into relaxation.
