Many family gatherings turn chaotic when children start arguing fiercely. However, scientists have identified several reasons for these sibling squabbles and ways to restore peace within the home.
Sibling disputes are inevitable in a household. For instance, one daughter may want to watch a television show while her sister prefers a different channel. “It’s just a simple form of difference. The basic issue is that you can’t get what you want“, says Hildy Ross from the University of Waterloo.
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| (Image: Girlhealth, VNE) |
However, these conflicts are not merely the result of a fight for the remote control or a teasing remark; sibling rivalry also reflects a broader family dynamic.
A study conducted by Ji-Yeon Kim at Penn State University interviewed parents, first-borns, and younger siblings in 200 working-class white families in the United States. Children aged 9 to 17 answered questions like: “How often do you consult your siblings?” Researchers also asked parents about family conflicts and the level of intimacy among family members.
Sisters tend to be closer than brothers, and for both genders, conflict peaks when the eldest child is 13 and the younger sibling is around 10. In families where mothers have a close relationship with their children, siblings also tend to be more intimate with each other.
Researchers also found that as intimacy between fathers and mothers declines, siblings grow closer. When fathers feel positively about their marriage and their wives, sibling intimacy actually decreases. Tensions in parental relationships lead siblings to rely on each other more.
According to scientists, finding ways to resolve conflicts is crucial since sibling relationships can last a lifetime. To explore this, researchers at the University of Waterloo experimented with 64 pairs of siblings. They asked children aged 4 to 12 to recall a past conflict and come up with a resolution during a 10-minute discussion.
Children chose various types of past conflicts such as fighting, lying, teasing, vandalizing each other’s property, and taking things without permission.
Among the participants, 42% reached a compromise that was satisfactory for both, while 23% arrived at an agreement favoring one side. “They no longer have the deep-seated conflicts they once did. They have rekindled lost feelings and learned to listen to each other,” researcher Hildy Ross stated.
The team noted that commanding and demanding selfishly will never lead to compromise. Instead, parents should encourage their children to reflect on their conflicts and focus on future benefits to find successful compromises.
M.T.
