Science has proven that "love at first sight" is merely physical desire

In the excitement of romance, it’s easy to believe that two strangers can fall in love at first sight. But does love at first sight really exist?

You’re at a party, looking around. 1, 2, 3… 5, your heart skips a beat. Your eyes light up, and your mind buzzes like fireworks. This is exactly the feeling of being struck by “love at first sight.”

For many, this may be the scenario they envision when looking forward to a chance encounter with their soulmate. While it sounds like a fairy tale, the reality is quite different.

Love or Desire?

What is love? There can be many different definitions of love. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, love is “an intense feeling of deep affection for another person arising from familial or personal relationships”, while a group of scientists from Rutgers University in New Jersey suggests that love can be categorized into three types: desire, attraction, and attachment.

According to a study published in December 2017 in the Journal of the International Association for Relationship Research, “love at first sight” or “falling in love at first sight” seems to stem more from desire or the longing for intimacy rather than true love.

While hormones such as testosterone and estrogen, regulated by the amygdala—the brain region that regulates emotions—are responsible for desire, attraction is determined by stress and reward centers—the nucleus accumbens and ventral tegmental area.

The neurotransmitters dopamine, norepinephrine, and cortisol all come into play when someone feels attracted to another person. When it comes to attachment, oxytocin and vasopressin take precedence.

Does love at first sight really exist?

So far, there has been relatively little scientific research aimed at determining whether “love at first sight” actually exists. Researchers have utilized three types of studies: experiments, online surveys, and speed dating events.

The study involved 400 volunteers, mostly students from the Netherlands and Germany, with over 500 interactions. Participants were asked to report whenever they felt “struck by love.” They also recorded their perceived attractiveness of the other person. Researchers also asked participants to self-assess their feelings regarding intimacy, physical attraction, fidelity, infatuation, and other concepts typically associated with “true love.”

The research showed that 32 participants experienced “love at first sight” a total of 49 times (indicating that many people did not experience this state). However, when surveying views on fidelity and intimacy—important aspects of love—those who experienced “love at first sight” showed no strong correlation. This result is not surprising, as “love at first sight” often occurs with someone deemed physically attractive.

“The experience of ‘love at first sight’ is characterized by high desire, not intimacy or fidelity. Physical attractiveness has a strong correlation with ‘love at first sight,'” the study report states. “Therefore, we argue that ‘love at first sight’ is not a distinct form of love but rather a powerful attraction from a first glance or when recalling it, which some people refer to as ‘love at first sight.’

Regarding the term “recalling” mentioned above, researchers explain that many successful relationships, upon being established, look back and “couples may alter their memory structure to strengthen their bond.” Thus, they may have immediately viewed their partner as an attractive individual and definitely wanted to know more about them. Years later, that perception becomes that person “is the missing piece of their life.”

Falling in love at first sight is often linked to “fairy tale love.”

While the findings are in stark contrast to what unfolds in romantic novels or films, some scientists and experts seem to disagree with the portrayals in media. This is simply because they have seen too much authentic evidence.

“Everyone wants to have a powerful emotional connection with another person, but it is precisely the biological response of desire and physical attraction triggered by hormones in the brain. This immediate desire often fades quickly once you push past the attraction and start getting to know each other,” explains Caitlin Bergstein, a matchmaker in Boston. “To find true love, you need to understand them deeply. You must know their intentions, grasp their values, see how they perceive the world, and what their future goals are. The responses and connections that create lasting love take time to develop. Therefore, immediate feelings towards someone are not the benchmark for true love.”

Andrea Leiser, a colleague of Bergstein, agrees with this sentiment and often advises her clients not to bind themselves to overly high expectations. “Many of my clients may not be overly attractive on the first date, and I will encourage them to embrace opportunities that align with their personalities and priorities,” she says. “I always tell clients that if they have a smooth first date, there will definitely be at least one more date. Physical attraction and love grow gradually as you get to know each other better. For example, when you see the other person treating a stranger kindly, playing with children, or creating little surprises for you during an evening, you will find them more attractive. Just like physical attraction, love for some also needs time to grow.”

Is Love a Hormonal Cocktail?

Many people view love as a type of hormonal cocktail released to provide their nervous system with a sense of euphoria and safety.

Eric Ryden, a clinical psychologist and couples therapist at Couples Therapy Clinic in the UK, states: “Love affects both the mind and body in impressive ways. Alongside excitement and obsessive thoughts, there’s an increase in the release of happiness hormones, primarily dopamine—associated with rewards and pleasure—and oxytocin—sometimes referred to as the love hormone because it’s related to feelings of warmth, love, and trust. As we’ve seen before, these hormones tend to be higher during attachment phases rather than during initial desire or attraction.”

Love or Addiction?

The initial stages of love can appear similar to addiction, says Dr. Deborah Lee, a reproductive health expert and medical writer for Dr. Fox Online Pharmacy in the UK: “Similar areas of the brain are activated in both early love and cocaine addiction. When someone in love focuses on their partner, they feel euphoric, experience mood swings alongside excitement, act obsessively and/or compulsively, live in a distorted reality, and often become dependent on the other person—much like someone behaves when addicted to cocaine.”

This feeling subsides as the relationship ages, and the later stages of romantic love no longer mimic drug addiction, according to a 2016 study published in Frontiers in Psychology.

Love at first sight is merely desire, and true love will come later.

Emotional State?

According to a 2012 article in the Journal of Neuroscience, memories can change when people recall them, often influenced by a person’s emotional state at the time of recollection. The next time someone recalls that same memory, it will be further distorted than the previous time.

Thus, a person’s perception of their partner and how someone might initially feel about them can be warped by their current emotions towards them. Therefore, while people may think it is love at first sight, that may not be the case.

In addition to distorted recall, a person’s overall perception of their partner tends to be positive or biased, due to a phenomenon known as “positive illusion.”

A 2018 study in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience suggests that the happiest couples often view each other through a “rose-colored lens,” experience less conflict and suspicion, and increase relationship satisfaction.

Positive illusion can also mislead individuals into thinking they fell in love on the first day, while in reality, it takes a much longer time to achieve that.